Black Stilettos, Old Women and Choices

So I walked in this footwear store and let my eyes sweep in the vicinity to have their treat, which was due on me from a long time. My eyes, oh well I had a bad squint and my feet were tickling with joy to get inside those shiny new shoes (any of them). Boots, Pumps, Loafers, Flat slippers, sneakers, stilettos, wedges, in every shade of red, blue, green, yellow, beige, black etc. For some unknown reasons, I have an evergreen attraction towards full-length black boots. I usually prefer footwear with minimal heel perhaps for a change my eyes glued to these 6-inch shiny black stilettos.29d681f64fc5cb9db8ab202f3e80ac57
While my heart was going through a laborious time convincing my mind to go for the heels, there walked in some women aged between grandma and grandma’s friends! There I was standing on one side of the shelf full of shoes and on the other, were they. Looking for the same thing but differently. As I started with the shiny and fancy ones they started with the least fancy and shiny ones with no heels at all. Our choice was way too divergent.
As I continued to accolade the pair that I had in my hands, the lady came up to me and homaged me for having a satisfying choice. I could see in her eyes that she loved the pair as much as I did, but there was something that was holding her back from purchasing those. I insisted her to give it a shot, but she denied saying that she was too old for it. There might be many justifications such as the age factor, maybe she thought she cannot pull them off at this age or what the society would say. Yeah, it’s true! People judge you by any way they can, may it be your clothes, shoes, your tattoos, and even your hair.
The shine in her eyes for those stilettos left me wondering for hours and I decided since then that I would never in my life, compromise with the little things which I want to do or buy for myself that make me feel happy. For a woman, the love for shoe and clothes can never succumb. She surely was the youngest at heart amongst any of us present there, it was just the wrinkles on her face that stopped her from feeling young from the outside.
Our society’s blueprint has been set as such that we say it or not, at some point in time in our lives, when the years pass and we age, we feel trapped in our own body as if it belongs to someone else. We want to enjoy, have fun again but something just stops us. According to me, it’s the fear of chattering lip gloss mouths and wandering eyes.
Why do we stop enjoying our lives at first? Why do we stop doing things that make us feel good, sanguine and happy? Since when have we started to feel cornered in our own skin? Since when we have drawn this thick line of a “to do” and “not to do” list and formed these age groups when it comes to happiness?! When did it start? There is a starting point for everything.
My mom doesn’t wear bright reds, she thinks it is not her “age” to wear bright colors like that, ignoring the fact how beautiful she looks in it and how much she loves it.
I don’t know if this blog post makes sense to any of you reading this but I hope somebody somewhere reading this could relate to it. Footwear is such a small thing but you know as they say, small things that can make you the happiest, those are the things that count in life. We never know what the other person is going through in their life, for us, our matters and troubles are gigantic.
So the lady and her friends left with boxes of the footwear “matching” their “age”, and for me, how could have I caved-in? I walked off with the same pair I wanted to and with the hope of all of us, breaking free from all the barriers that we have spawned.
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Happy Freedom People!

 

Bottom Hugging Pants and Naked Legs

Since the comments on Priyanka Chopra’s photograph with Honourable Prime Minister broke the internet, it became mandatory for me to write this post. This substantiates that no matter how successful you are as a person, you would always be judged by what you wear as a woman. No matter how covered you are from the upper half of your body if your bottom half is showing…Well, Lady.. may the good Lord save you and deliver you from people (Amen).

It was the first day at the office and I wore a beautiful blue and black formal dress covered from my neck to my knees. Unaware of what was coming my way (to make it sound more dramatic), I sat on my desk feeling confident and happy about the new beginning. Later that day, I was called up by my boss in his office explaining to me why I shouldn’t be wearing a dress like that in office. The whole matter was about the people in the office not being able to digest my beautiful hairless toned legs.

My boss is a smashingly cool human but at that point of time, I was taken aback by the comments made on my clothes. Later I understood what he meant. All he wanted for me was to stay protected / safe and to be away from those meandering eyes, for all one knows, Delhi is so unsafe. But why cannot I wear what I want to? In this hot weather, I too want to feel the cold breeze and the air from the fan playing with my sleek legs.

Well.. we cannot overlook the fact that we live in an imposter society where you can wear a bottom nestling trouser, legging, long skirt which tightly hugs your buttocks whereas, showing your calf and ankle is a hell no. Viola! You are dishonoring the Prime Minister. What about all the aunties who would die to see you wrapped up in a saree showing off your belly, your sexy waist? On the other hand, you wearing a crop top is something they cannot abide.

I can go on and on with this. The point is that everything comes down to just one thing, “A Pair of Beautiful Hairless Legs”. Come on you people, they’re just legs, part of your body which help you to walk, run, sit and stand. The only difference between a female’s leg and a male’s leg is the hair which comes with it. Females wax/ shave/ remove them and guys don’t (well.. nowadays many shave too). Oh! not to forget their masculinity is in their body hair. 😛

For those who think that rape “happens” (it just happens) because of a woman’s clothing, the recent assault on a woman covered in Burqa from head to toe must have been a mirage because you know what they say –  “No Skin Show, No Rape”.

Happy Leg Flaunting Ladies! ❤

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Stare Of a Rapist

I see you looking at me,

I see you staring at me,

I see you staring at my bust no matter what I wear.

I see you staring at me again, again,again and again,
I try to keep myself calm and composed,
I try to keep myself away from your stare,
You just don’t seem to stop,
Please just stop,
You’ve got a woman at home waiting for you,
You’ve got a girl who is managing to dodge the same stare,
You are still staring at me,
Oh please stop,
Stop smiling at me.
Everytime you stare I feel like scratching off this skin off my body,
Now will you stop!

With the eyes of a rapist
You rape me
You rape me daily
You leave no chance to see through my drapery.

You disgust me now
I am scared
Yes you scare me
And you’re still staring
Would you please stop!?

I understand you have been entitled a “Man” in this world,
I understand that you are superior sex,
I understand that you can exploit me,
I understand that you can shatter me,
I understand that you “appreciate” beauty,
Would you not understand me,
And please stop just stop staring at me!

I am a 4 year old, 12 year old, I am an 18 year old, I am a 23 year old and I am a 60 year old,
Pleading you to stop just stop.
Haven’t you had enough of the staring, touching and raping me?
I am tired
I am really tired of your stare, your creepy smile, your “compliments”.
I am tired of you.
Please stop staring at me.

I am crying now
You make me feel so sad
You make me feel so unsafe in my own skin
Your raping eyes oh your staring eyes,
I cannot bear them anymore,
Please stop just stop staring at me
Just STOP

Pride Of The Knowns

I have a dinky bit of lightning left in me. It was way more glistening when I started. Things are getting worse as the days are fleeting. I comprehend that I may not be able to live alone perhaps it will be better than living with people I don’t wanna live with! I cannot decide what or how am I going to do things and make myself “settled” as this is the only thing we live for!

Intermittently, well most of the times I feel like migrating to some alien place but then, where else can I be?! I am falling, Oh yes I am falling. I remember how contented I was when I attended the gay pride. Ah! those colorful people all around me, dancing, laughing, hugging, grinning at each other, spreading the love! I wish it didn’t have a deadline. It felt like I was one of those colors of the rainbow on the flag. Conceivably, now I am gawking at my phone’s screen, desiring dad’s call.

Life isn’t atrocious though! Life’s always acceptable, it’s the people who lacerate their own kind! I can still see those people in my mind, their extreme close-ups, talking and laughing out loud just like a movie. But it was way more than the fight for choosing your own sexuality. It was about freedom, freedom from rapes and injustice, fight for women’s rights, bigotry on the basis of class, religion, ability sexual identity, and tribe!

Proud I am today to have attended the pride. Even though I have so many problems in my life, like my broken nail, I took out time from my busy schedule which includes sitting and thinking about how am I going to make my life right. In bits and pieces, I stood up for something which made me feel good about myself again.

 Later that day I realized that people out there are actually fighting to live as their own selves, which is an enormous thing in itself. People like us, the “NORMAL” ones are still tensed wondering about what to eat in the next meal.  On the other hand, the “GLADSOME” are on fire.

Fight for your right! Fight for your tribe.  Happy pride!

Images by: Shivansh Johri